Online therapy for Dating & Relationship Patterns
You can usually explain why each one ended. The timing. The distance. The way they pulled back around month four. What's harder to see is the part that keeps showing up across all of them, because you're inside it.
That's the work. Not tips for meeting people, and not a verdict on whether you're doing it wrong. Understanding the pattern well enough to notice it while it's happening, and to choose something else.
Most of the people I work with are in their twenties and thirties. Some are dating and exhausted by it. Some are newly out of something long and unsure how to begin again. Some are in a relationship that looks fine from the outside and feels harder than it should from the inside. Some are trying to tell the difference between a pattern worth changing and a person who simply isn't right.
I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, trained through Level 3 of the Gottman Method and in PACT and EFT. That's the research on what actually makes relationships work. Most of it only reaches people once they're already married. I think it's far more useful before that.
I do this work because of my own therapy, during my own years of dating. There's more about that on my about page.
Available online in California, Washington, Oregon, Arizona, Texas, Florida, and Virginia.
Much of what comes up in this work I have also written about at length on the blog.
1
Can therapy help with dating and relationship patterns?
Yes. Dating patterns tend to repeat until something makes them visible, and that is a lot of what this work is. Together we look at who you are drawn to, what you brace against, and where things tend to stall. Once you can see the pattern clearly, you get a real choice about whether to keep following it.
2
Can I work on this if I'm single?
Absolutely. Most people who come to me for this work are not currently partnered. Some are actively dating, some are recovering from a breakup, and some have stepped back from dating entirely to figure out what they actually want. Relationship patterns show up whether or not there is someone in the picture, and they are often easier to see when you have some distance.
3
What kinds of dating and relationship concerns do you work with?
Feeling discouraged or worn down by dating. Noticing the same dynamic show up with different people. Second-guessing your own judgment about who to trust. Wanting relationships that feel more secure, honest, and mutual than the ones you have had. If you are somewhere in there, you are in the right place.
4
Do I come on my own, or with my partner?
On your own. This is individual work focused on your patterns, your history, and what you want, so it is just the two of us. If you are partnered and you would both like to work on the relationship together, that is couples therapy, which is a different thing I also offer.
5
How is this different from working with a dating coach?
A coach can help you with strategy: how to show up, what to say, how to date more effectively. I'm a licensed therapist, which means we can also work on where the pattern came from, why it's hard to break, and what it's protecting you from. Both have value. If what's in the way is older than your last few relationships, that's therapy.
6
How long does this usually take?
Everyone starts with at least one 50-minute session per week. Most people notice the pattern within the first couple of months. Changing what you do about it takes longer, and how much longer depends on how long it's been running.
If you're here for something other than dating and relationships, I also work with anxiety, new parenthood, cancer survivorship, and life transitions.